Facebook Is Not A Soapbox!

Facebook is not a soapbox. It's not an appropriate outlet for all of your political ramblings, ok? It's just not! As such, statements including, but not limited to, those listed below should be kept in your own little über-conservative world.

"Stacy" is tired of seeing liberal crap on her news feed.

"Stacy" posted a news story: Russian Live Missile Exercise Near Alaska

Turns out Russia's proximity to Alaska is actually relevant at the moment. ANd lets not forget either that it was the only place in America to be physically invaded by ground troops in WWII. Now will people please shut up?

"Stacy" is trying to see things from a liberal point of view, but can't get her head that far up her ass.

"Stacy" is disgusted with the bail-out plan... since when does my party promote socialism? 

"Stacy" wrote a new note: 

If You Can't Say Something Nice, Shut the [Fudge]Up.

I want to [fudge]ing SCREAM. I can't express an opinion about ANYTHING lately without having two dozen whiney-ass libtards, including people who are supposed to be my friends, basically calling me an idiot. I'm just so [fudge]ing SICK of it.

So, yeah. How about you find an outlet other than Facebook for your political bitchfest? That would be highly appreciated by the rest of us. 

Things Not To Do In Polite Conversation

So, I thought that most of these would have been fairly obvious, but clearly, that is not the case, so here we go:

1) Maintain constant, direct, unwavering eye contact

 I really shouldn't have to tell people this, but it's just not a good idea. It's creepy. Just don't do it.

2) Ask someone if they sweat a lot*

Seriously? Um... why would...? Uh... yeah. Just don't do it. Avoid bringing up sweat at all, actually, in any context. It won't end well. Just don't do it.

3) Say something overtly negative, even if it is your actual opinion

If I say, "How are you liking college?" an appropriate response is not, "I hate it here," however true that might be.

4) Repeat inquiry about a person's sweat habits*

It was a mistake to do it once, now you're just a moron.

5) Mention your sex life

Frankly, I have no desire to hear about it and neither do the other six people in the classroom currently listening in on our conversation. Just don't do it.

*That sweat thing really did happen to me.

ME: [making polite conversation] Oh weird, my iPod headphones are turning blue from my jeans, because I always carry them in my pocket.

PERSON: Do you sweat a lot?

ME: Do I...? Uh...

PERSON: It's okay if you do, I mean, I'm not... it's just that...uh...well, do you?

ME: ...

PERSON: Let's not talk about this anymore.

ME: Yeah, way to ruin that conversation.